Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
