Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
