Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
