Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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