Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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