I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize