You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize