Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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