the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
