Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
