Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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