As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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