JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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