I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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