I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
