I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
