my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am spending my child support on dildos
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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