you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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