Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize