Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
