I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
