The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
