At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
