how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
