my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
