Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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