i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
