Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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