you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
