Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
