Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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