No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
