sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
