i don't like sucking hair
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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