he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
