How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
