I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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