I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
