his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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