I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
