i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
