there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
