but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
