I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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