The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
