Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
