What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
