upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
