I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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