Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
