I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
