No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
