areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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