Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
God, I missed his penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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