is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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