College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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