Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone signed my nipple.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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