So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it hurts more in the daytime
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
