hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
