No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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