its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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