How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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