I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So much Jack, so little girl.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
