filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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