is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
