I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
