I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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