I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
