Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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